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5 Ways to Get Your Spouse to Actually Listen to You (as a matter of fact)

as a matter of fact
 5 Ways to Get Your Spouse to Actually Listen to You (as a matter of fact)


Hoalah - Not sure if you have the same problem as I do, but one of the hardest things about being married to my wife...is that she doesn’t listen to me! Actually, it’s more like she doesn’t always listen to me.


1: Take your time

As a matter of fact, one way you can get your spouse to listen is by taking your time. When you feel like speaking up, then do it; however, when they're not in the mood and not listening, there are other ways to gain their attention. One is by touching them while they're in the midst of something else: having their undivided attention will be much more rewarding. Another way is with short but sweet sentences; this will make them less likely to brush you off. Additionally, incorporating humor and sensitivity into your message might help too! And lastly but not least at all, give them some form of physical intimacy--even if it's just holding hands. All five of these ways will help you achieve getting your spouse to actually listen to what you have to say.


2: Watch their face

If you're going to talk to your spouse, you'll have a better chance of getting their attention if they can actually see you. If they're on the phone or at the computer, they may not be able to focus on what you're saying. Pay attention when they look up from their devices and try not to say anything while they are doing something else unless it's an emergency. As a matter of fact, some people find that it works best for them just not to talk when their partner is distracted. Instead, take time to get their full attention before starting a conversation. It takes patience but will ultimately result in more effective conversations with less frustration on both sides.


3: Watch what they do

As a matter of fact, the best thing you can do is just watch what they do. A lot of times people will talk about something and then do it. Maybe they'll say one thing and do another or they'll say nothing but then they'll stop talking and go and start doing something. Paying attention to your partner's actions could be the key to figuring out what's going on with them. When you see them doing something that contradicts what they're saying, it's time to put in some effort into getting them to open up! Ask them What are you thinking? or Is there something else bothering you? The more direct and specific the question, the better. For example, don't ask if they're upset because we all know this person is upset; ask them how they feel right now. Or, what have I done wrong? instead of just asking if everything's ok. It may take some practice for your spouse to open up about their feelings and problems but it pays off big time when you finally get through to them.


4: Talk about it, don't accuse them

If your spouse is doing something you don't like, try talking about it instead of accusing them. Communication is key! If they know what you want and need from them, they can be more intentional about how they show up for you. 

As a matter of fact, if your partner knows what's important to you--even the small things--they will be more likely to do things that make you happy, and be more attentive to your needs. Be sure to let them know what you appreciate about them and their effort too! It really helps to hear positive reinforcement. It also reminds them of why they are spending so much time on this relationship in the first place. 

Finally, understand that not everything is a deal breaker in your relationship. It may seem like a big issue but it might just be an annoyance or pet peeve - give yourself some time before making any decisions on how you feel about this one specific thing or behavior.


5: Don’t stop until you get results.

As a matter of fact, there is nothing stopping you from telling your spouse every single detail about your day when you get home. And then listening to their story as well. This can actually be good for everyone in the relationship and will provide an opportunity for you both to understand what the other has been doing all day. Maybe give yourself some time before asking about those problem areas you’ve identified? Sure, it may take a few minutes more at the end of the day – but think of how much better rested and happier you’ll feel come nighttime if you stop once in awhile and really listen!

Do these five things today – trust me, it could help make not just one person but two people’s lives infinitely better as they go through life together. Plus, by following these 5 tips you'll know exactly what's happening in your partner's day - which means that by evening time, instead of becoming frustrated over yet another argument about finances or childcare or whatever else-you'll already have solved it because you were able to share your feelings with each other. It's a win-win situation for all parties involved so I urge anyone who thinks they're struggling with this issue: don't let this blog post scare you off!

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